


Just Another Boy

by roebling



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: First Time, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Growing Up, M/M, Sexual Content, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:45:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling/pseuds/roebling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yongguk's not stupid. He knows that he’s a boy but he knows people don’t see him that way. He knows because his mother tells him that some people expect boys to look a certain way and have a certain kind of body even though not all boys do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Another Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fictional story of one transgender individual and isn't intended to be representative of transgender individuals or their lives as a whole. The male individual in this story is non-operative and references to his biologically female anatomy while having sex with a man. Please let me know if you think any of this could be triggering for you and you'd like more information before deciding to read. 
> 
> This is for [suitofarmour](http://archiveofourown.org/users/suitofarmour). Happy birthday love! ♥♥♥ (I even got the dashes right!)
> 
> (Title from the Winner song lol. I'm bad at titles >_____>) Thank you so much to [michelleisat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/michelleisat/pseuds/michelleisat) for betaing this <333

Yongguk never plays with dolls growing up. Natasha has long since gotten rid of hers, and he prefers soft toys. Tigger was the best of all.

His mother dresses him and Yongnam in the same things: leggings and shirts with cartoon characters printed on the front. They aren’t expecting twins. The sonograms showed one baby boy. He doesn’t realize at the time that it is unusual for them to wear the same clothing. Raising twins is exhausting. It’s just been easier for his mother to buy the same sets of clothes in two different colors. 

It’s not until he’s thirteen and starting middle school that he realizes how different things are. His mother brings their new uniforms home. Yongnam’s is fine, but Yongguk’s has a _skirt_.

“Can’t I wear one like hyung’s?” he asks. He doesn’t like the skirt. 

His mother shakes her head. “Yongmi, no. You need to wear this one. Hyung’s uniform is for boys.” 

“I’m a boy,” he says, confused. 

“I know,” his mother says, quietly. They’ve had this conversation before. She looks tired. “But for now. You need to wear this.” 

He does not like the skirt. He doesn’t like having to use the girl’s restroom at his new school, and he really doesn’t like having to get changed in the girl’s locker room. He’s not stupid though. He knows that he’s a boy but he knows people don’t see him that way. He knows because his mother tells him that some people expect boys to look a certain way and have a certain kind of body even though not all boys do.

When he is a little older he sits at the desk in Natasha's room and listens to the American music she has on her computer. It is unfamiliar and strange and he likes it. It feels like the music isn't quite the right shape; Yongguk isn't quite the right shape either.

He likes the music, but there are other things about the hip-hop scene that appeal to him. It feels like a place where people might not expect the same things from him that everyone else expects. It feels like a place where he might find people who are interested in changing things. The world seems huge and fucked up, and Yongguk doesn't think he can make a difference on his own.

The clothes too, are appealing. The tight jeans and cardigan sweaters that are fashionable clung to his body line. In the hip-hop scene, loose tee shirts and baggy jeans are stylish, and those are good for hiding the curves of his hips, the slight swell of his breasts. He’s slim and tall for his age, and in those clothes, with a snapback pulled low, he’s a different person – the right person. He tells his new friends his name is Yongguk, and nobody would ever know to call him Yongmi. 

He wears the skirt and blouse to school, because he has to and because he doesn’t want to worry his mother more than she already is, but he feels better this way. His parents tell him just to wait. He’s young, and if he’s sure he can do what he likes after he graduates. He doesn’t like it, but he can endure it. He reads a lot online about other people like him, learns new words like transgender and transsexual and genderqueer. There are so many different words, so many different ways people try to explain themselves to the world. He doesn’t have any doubts about who he is – he never has. He feels lucky at least for that. 

He graduates. The next day he takes the uniforms down to the Han River. He thinks about throwing them in, but that would be polluting. He can't burn them without causing a scene. He doesn't want them – but someone might, so in the end he donates them. He feels good about that. He goes to a doctor and they start him on T. His body gets leaner. His face gets sharper, and hair grows on his chin, his upper lip, his chest. His voice drops. When people on the street look at him, they see a guy.

Things are better.

\-----

But it’s not perfect, of course. He’s getting tired of the petty popularity battles in the scene and he more than tired of listening to his parents tell him that he's wasting his life and he gets sick thinking about the way that half the songs talk about women like they're some kind of ... thing. Like a hat or a pair of shoes. Something you pick up and put on to show off what kind of a man you are.

So he leaves the crew, but he doesn't go to college like his father wants, even though his scores on the entrance exam are high. He has a new plan, thanks to one of his hyungs. Yongguk is going to be in an idol group. A boy idol group. It’s a little funny, but he thinks it’s the best way for him to do good works. 

\-----

"Hmmm," the guy says, peering with narrowed eyes. "You're Yongguk, huh?"

Yongguk nods.

The guy looks him up and down. "Well," he says after a moment. "I guess I'm going to be the visual in this group."

Kim Himchan reminds Yongguk of the guys in school who liked to come up and tease him about his short hair. He never wore it styled it, just loose and floppy, bangs falling in his face. They never did anything really bad, just hassled him a little bit. "Didn't have time to do your hair this morning, Yongmi?" – That kind of thing. It wasn't bad. It wasn't even as bad as some of the other kids in the class got. The dorky kids with bad skin and glasses had it way worse than he did. He kept his mouth shut and stayed to himself and they mostly left him alone. 

But that's what Himchan reminds him of – one of those boys who used to look at him like they owned him. He's good looking, smart, and a talented musician. He's got a scholarship to a performing arts college, too. Yongguk guesses he's the kind of son any mother would like to have.

"The members haven't been decided yet," Yongguk says, a little annoyed. "The vice president will decide who has what role then."

Himchan smiles, disarmingly bright, but he sounds a little sad. "Well, I don't know if I'm qualified for anything else, so let's hope it works out, eh Yongguk?"

Himchan is not exactly what he appears.

\----

"No, that's not it," the choreographer hyung says, shaking his head.

Himchan grins, showing all his teeth. "Can't you just stick me in the back, hyung? Put the tall ones up front? 

Everyone laughs. Yongguk does too, in spite of himself. Himchan is funny, but he's funniest when the target of his humor is himself. Yongguk thinks it's kind of sad. Himchan knows how to play a ton of instruments and he has a decent if untrained voice. He's not nearly as bad a dancer as he makes himself out to be, either. Self deprecation is just his default defensive pose.

But Yongguk isn't here to make friends. He's never had many and this is _important_. He's betting his future that he can make something great out of this group – something great enough that it will change things, somehow. He likes all the trainees fine, of course. Jongup is an incredible dancer for someone his age, and Youngjae is a good singer who's already trained for years. Yongguk likes them all, but they’re all still just kids. Himchan's the only other person his age, and not for that reason alone Yongguk thinks that if he were to make a friend, Himchan would be first on the list.

But he’s not here to make friends.

\-----

The company knows. Of course the company knows. They made him have a physical before they offered him a contract, and he couldn't hide it from the doctor.

"It's not unprecedented," he said, when the topic came up.

"You're sure?" they asked. "You're sure you want to debut in a boy group?"

Yongguk shrugged. He's been on T since he was eighteen. He has an Adam's apple and stubble if he doesn't shave. "Would you put me in a girl group?" he asks them.

They have nothing to say and no further objections.

\-----

"Ahhh," Himchan says, "I've missed this." He takes a long drink of his soda. The glass is tall and frosted and it does look good. Himchan has been dieting very hard.

Yongguk nods. He has a glass of water. He doesn't drink much soda.

"Relax," Himchan says, throwing his arm around Yongguk's shoulder. "Bbang, it's our _night off_. You can drop the fearless leader act."

The group is beginning to coalesce. Himchan monthly predicts that he'll be dismissed and sent home, but he's still here. Yongguk can't say they're friends – but he can't really say they're not. Nobody's ever given him a nickname before. He was Yongmi at school and Yongguk to everyone else and that was it.

"I know," he says. He takes another sip of his water. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Himchan says. It's harder now, to ignore how handsome he is, because it's not at all the kind of handsome Yongguk thought he was when he first saw him. Himchan has a stupid grin and he wears too much cologne and he practices making faces in the mirror. They spend almost every waking second together. Yes, they're probably friends.

Yongguk still hasn't told him, though. He doesn't think Himchan would react badly. Himchan is a good person. They're all good people. He made that clear to the company ... it wasn't enough for the kids to have talent. They need to be good people. He doesn't think that it would really change anything either. It shouldn't matter, but it does. He wants to trust Himchan and he does – but this is a big thing, and Yongguk doesn't know how to start the conversation.

Himchan's the one who's good at talking, anyway. He's talking now, about some conflict between two of the younger trainees. Yongguk thought the issue was resolved, but apparently the resentment had simmered, unnoticed, until Himchan ferreted it out.

" – told them if they ever did that again I'd tell you," Himchan says. "You should have seen the looks on their faces, Bbang. They were so afraid of a lecture from hyungnim I thought their souls had left their bodies. If only they knew what a softy you were really."

Yongguk feels a nervous little wriggle in his belly. Himchan doesn't know, so he can't be making fun. But still.

"You should have just told the manager hyung," he says, after a moment.

"Ahhh," Himchan says, frowning. "You're really no fun tonight."

\-----

He is going to feature in Jieun's song. That's not a problem. He's never minded performing, and it's been too long since he stood on a stage. The dressing room makes him nervous though. His chest was never big and is even flatter now. He changes his shirt after dance practice, with his back turned to the room. Nobody pays any attention, but he thinks maybe they might, given enough time. 

He gets dressed in the bathroom. He realizes that if he does debut, he’ll probably have to tell his group. It’s a hard secret to keep in the kind of close corners they’ll share. 

He is a little uneasy as he goes to get his makeup done. He knew what it would be like going in – idol groups wear makeup and flashy clothes and go get their hair done at the salon. He knew it was coming. He closes his eyes and lets the makeup nuna do her work. His stomach twists nervously. It’s dumb to worry, but what if he opens his eyes and finds himself unrecognizable? What if … 

He’s not. It’s just him, in eyeliner. He looks in the mirror and sees himself.

\-----

Himchan tries to kiss him one night a few weeks after they move into the dorm. It’s empty and echoing, waiting for the other members who haven’t yet been chosen. At night they sit on the couch in the living room. Himchan eats tangerines. He piles the scraps of peels on the arm of the couch. Something stupid is on the television tonight. Yongguk is thinking about a song – well, something that could become a song one day. He’s always been good with lyrics, but he’s just learning how to compose. 

Himchan helps him sometimes, in a quiet, unobtrusive way. 

A commercial comes on – helium-voiced singers extolling the virtues of a particular brand of toilet tissue. Yongguk is cold, even though he’s wearing a sweatshirt. He has a book he’d like to be reading, but it’s nice sitting here with Himchan too. 

“Do you want some?” Himchan holds out a section of tangerine.

Yongguk nods and leans forward. Himchan puts it in his mouth, and before he knows what’s happening Himchan is leaning forward too, a bit clumsily, and kissing him. 

He tastes bitter and bright and citrusy. His lips are soft. He’s more shy than Yongguk would have thought. 

Himchan is kissing him. This is not good. 

“I can’t …” Yongguk pulls away. “This isn’t a good idea,” he says. This is an awful idea. This is not going to work. 

Himchan is perfectly still. “Oh,” he says in a small voice. “Well. I figured I’d give it a shot. You never know if you’re going to make an idiot out of yourself until you try.” He swallows, and turns back to the television and is very still. 

Yongguk’s heart shakes. He didn’t mean to hurt Himchan. That’s not what he wants.

He gets up, and goes into his room. There’s one picture in his wallet. He keeps it … well, he doesn’t know why he keeps it. He endured high school and was glad to be done with it, but if he were a different kind of person he thinks it might have been utter hell.

One school picture, from his senior year. His mother insisted he take them, because she wanted something to give to the grandparents. His hair isn’t that much longer than he wears it now, but it was parted and combed that day and that makes a difference. He wasn’t on T back then and his face was softer and rounder. The school uniform consisted of a blouse with a peter pan collar and a tie. Nobody would mistake the uniform for a boy’s uniform. Nobody would mistake the person in the picture for a boy. 

Yongguk has never been the girl in that picture. He keeps it to remind himself of that, partially. He’s always _known_ , and he’s been more than lucky that his parents let him do mostly as he wanted. It could have been much, much worse. 

In the living room, Himchan has moved on to another tangerine. He tears off each segment and eats it mechanically. 

“Look,” Yongguk says, “This was me. In high school.”

Himchan takes the picture. He stares at it. His hands are big and his fingers are blunt. Yongguk has always had delicate hands, and he takes care of his nails out of habit, but they're probably his least favorite part of his body. Now his hands are pressed into his thighs as he waits.

“I’m not mad that you kissed me. I just …” He doesn’t know what else to say.

"Not the most flattering haircut, Bbang," Himchan says, and then he looks up and there's question and doubt on his face.

"Yeah," Yongguk says. He swallows. "It was … not the most flattering." He should say something more, but he can't think of what. He just told Himchan the biggest secret he has. What else is he supposed to say?

"Did you always know?" Himchan asks.

Yongguk nods. "Yeah," he says. "And my parents – my mother treated me the same as my brother, for the most part."

Himchan nods. "Good." He keeps looking at the picture. Yongguk doesn't know what he expects to see because it doesn't look like a different person really. It's just Yongguk, with rounder cheeks and neater hair, wearing a girl's uniform. But that person looks like a girl, and Yongguk isn’t.

"How did you know that?"

Himchan shrugs. "I just figured." He grins. "You believe in yourself more than anyone I've ever met, Bbang."

Yongguk stifles a smile, and nods. "I guess I had to." He reaches for the picture and gets up to put it away.

"Wait a sec," Himchan says. He reaches for his phone, and spends a busy minute scrolling. "Look." 

Yongguk looks. The boy in the picture is chubby, with unflattering wire-framed glasses and short utilitarian hair. It's unmistakably Himchan though.

"Now you know about my sordid past," he says. "Not that it's anywhere near to the same thing or anything but … " 

"You were cute," Yongguk says.

Himchan shakes his head and wrinkles his nose.

"You're cuter now," Yongguk says, smiling. 

Himchan grins. 

\-----

Yongguk has dated. He dated girls, when he was in Soul Connection, and a few guys, secretly and without much fanfare. Some of the people dated knew, but most didn’t. In the crew, he was known as a ladies’ man, because the girls that hung around whispered giddily about how Yongguk was the picture of selflessness in bed and really knew how to make them happy. The guys teased him, but he never really saw what was funny about knowing how to make someone with that kind of body feel good.

He's fucked guys, and he's always been okay with masturbating. He doesn’t know if he’s gay or straight or if there’s even any point in worrying about that. He's a man and so his body is a male body, and it would be no matter what he looked like, but he feels better now that other people look at him and know he’s male too. It's not that his body ever felt right; it just never felt wrong, either.

Himchan is a virgin. He admits it one night when they are alone in the dorm. The other members will be moving in soon, but for now, it's just the two of them.

"Who would have had sex with me?" Himchan asks morosely. “I was a huge loser.” 

Yongguk shrugs. "I would have," he says. "You were cute."

"You don't have to flatter me any more, Bbang."

"I'm serious," Yongguk says, poking Himchan in the side. "We could, if you wanted."

They make out sometimes, and he gave Himchan a blowjob once. He thinks Himchan is really hot, and there’s no reason they shouldn’t. He knows he trusts Himchan though, and that's the important thing. 

Himchan turns bright red. "I don't know if we should do that. What if ... How do ... Um."

It's not often that Kim Himchan is at a loss for words.

"It's not that complicated," Yongguk says. “You’ve had Sex Ed, haven’t you?” 

Himchan nods. "Yeah, but ... You."

“There are tons of things we could do,” Yongguk says. He’s not embarrassed exactly but it’s not like he has tons of experience talking about this stuff either. “I could … Ah. I could fuck you with … I have a thing.” He breathes in. “A harness and a dildo. But I don’t know if you’d like anal.”

Himchan is the color of a tomato. It's very cute how nervous he is. “I don’t know either but I’m willing to give it a go. I mean, if you really want to fuck me that badly who am I to deprive you that pleasure?” 

Yongguk grins. “We can do that,” he says. “The first time though I think you should should fuck me. I don’t really like anal though, so we’ll do it the other way. If you want, I mean.” 

Himchan makes a choked little noise. “I want to,” he says. “I am 100% on board with having sex with you. Sign me up.” 

“Good,” Yongguk says, smiling. “You’ll like it, I think.” 

\-----

"I'm just gonna leave my shirt on," Himchan says, fingers nervous on the hem.

Yongguk nods. "You should be comfortable," he says. He takes off his own shirt. Himchan has seen him shirtless before. He doesn't know if he could ever stand shirtless on stage (if that were even an option), but in front of Himchan, it’s not bad.

In boxer briefs, Yongguk feels good. He likes the way they fit, likes the way they look, even though it’s easy to tell he doesn't have a dick. For a while he tried thinking about his cunt as a dick. Language is powerful, but that just felt strange to him. He tried a packer too, one he ordered online and had shipped to Natasha's store. He'd read on blogs and in forums about how some people loved theirs, how it made them feel whole and good and _right_ and he’d wondered if it might make him feel that way too.

It didn't. He didn't mind it, but mostly he just found it strange – the plastic thing between his legs didn't feel like part of him.

Everyone is different. Yongguk knows that. He tries not to let it bother him that he doesn’t quite fit in any standard mold. 

Himchan is wearing boxer briefs too. His are purple, and from an expensive brand. He licks his lips. "So is this where we get naked?"

Yongguk grins. "Yeah," he says. He steps out of his underwear. After he went on T his pubic hair got darker and coarser. Dark hair started growing on his thighs, on his belly, even a wispy patch on his chest. He likes it.

Himchan takes his underwear off too. His dick is dark, and not too big. Yongguk really likes Himchan's body – his soft belly and soft thighs and soft, pale skin.

"You're beautiful," he says, because he means it and because it's something Himchan probably should hear more often.

"You are too," Himchan says quickly, the words spilling out all in a rush. "I mean, seriously. You're really hot. Gorgeous. Handsome. Ethereal. I can keep going as long as you want me to. "

Yongguk grins, and ducks his head. “Uh. That’s enough,” he says. He climbs onto the bed, sits down cross legged opposite Himchan. "Ah. First, do you want to ..."

Himchan stares at him. "Remember how I'm the awkward virgin here, Bbang? And telepathy isn't yet among my many skills, so you're gonna have to be a little more explicit."

Yongguk nods. It's not that this is embarrassing, exactly. He's just doesn’t like to talk about himself, not at the best of times. But he likes Himchan and trusts him, and knows that there’s no way for him to know what to do if Yongguk doesn’t tell him. He can’t make things better if he doesn’t let his voice be heard. That’s why he’s willing to talk and explain and be understood, even when it’s uncomfortable. "I want you to finger me," he says. "I'm gonna lay on my back and ..."

He props himself up on a pillow or two so that he can still see. He likes the way he looks like this: flat chest and flat, muscular stomach, the dark thatch of pubic hair. "Come here." He pats the bed between his legs.

Himchan is eager. It's very cute. His cheek and his neck are red. "Okay, boss. What next?"

"You need to use lube," Yongguk says. When he first started on T he got dry sometimes, painfully, irritatingly so. He started using lube then, and kept using it because he liked the glossy slicksmooth slide of it when he jerked off.

Himchan takes the tube and squirts a little into his hand. Yongguk spreads his legs further. It's cold in the room and the cold air feels good, in a painful way. He runs his fingers over his cunt, pulls the skin back a little so Himchan can see his clit.

"Just ... anywhere?" Himchan looks doubtful. "I don't want to screw up."

"It's fine," Yongguk says. "You're going to do fine, Himchan. I'll tell you if I don't like something."

Himchan swipes the lube across Yongguk's clit. It feels good. Yongguk breaths in.

"Good," Yongguk says. "Himchan, it feels good. You can keep doing that or you can finger me."

It does feel good, not just because it feels good but because Yongguk knows Himchan likes him and likes his body. He can see it too: Himchan's cock is half hard, nestled between his thighs.

Himchan is a fast learner. A slick finger grazes over Yongguk's slit, and then Himchan is _inside_ him. And oh. It's been a long time. Yongguk clenches around Himchan's finger, fucks himself down onto it a little bit. Himchan’s not teasing him, but that’s what it feels like, his big rough finger just inside the slick warmth of Yongguk’s body.

"It feels good?" Himchan asks. His voice is rough.

"Yeah," Yongguk says. It does. “You can … deeper, though. It’s fine. It feels good.” 

"You feel really good," Himchan says, exhaling. 

He sinks in deeper, and Yongguk shifts to fit around him. He wants more. “You can add another finger.” 

There’s a moment of emptiness but then Himchan’s fingers are inside him again. Yongguk is wet and it feels good. Himchan’s thumb presses against his mound. His foot slips against the sheets as he tries to get a better angle, but then Himchan curls his finger up, and Yongguk's whole body goes tight, back arched and stomach tense. That warm good golden feeling starts to burn in his belly. He's never come just from penetration – he needs hands or a mouth or _something_ on his clit for that – but he almost feels like he could. 

He doesn't want that though.

“I want to be on top,” he says. 

Himchan pulls out and Yongguk squirms to see how wet his fingers are, from the lube and from _him_. He wipes them on his tee shirt. His other hand is resting in the hollow of Yongguk's hip, his thumb on the hipbone. "You ... what. Um? Oh."

"Uh," Yongguk says, and his voice is low and rasping. “If you’re … lie on your back.” 

Himchan rolls onto his back. He folds his hands over his stomach. He wiggles his toes. His dick sticks up, jaunty. It’s pretty funny honestly, but Yongguk doesn’t laugh. Bodies are funny things, but they don’t always seem that way when you’re in them. 

He rubs some lube between his palms and then strokes Himchan a few times. Himchan is twitchy. His stomach hitches and his nose wrinkles every time Yongguk’s hand smooths over the head of his dick. Yongguk likes the little choked noises he makes. He likes Himchan’s pale thighs, too. He squeezes one, fingertips digging into the muscle. 

“If you don’t hurry up I’m not sure if you’re going to get to do much of anything,” Himchan says, something between a squeak and a gasp. 

“Wait for me,” Yongguk says. He grins. “You’ve waited this long, Himchannie. You can give me another minute.” 

Himchan nods. Yongguk struggles with the condom wrapper. He wipes his hands on the blankets but the stupid thing is small and slippery. Finally, he gets it out and rolls it down over Himchan’s cock. He pours more lube into his palm and slicks Himchan up again. 

“Okay,” he says. 

“Yeah?” Himchan says. “I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to get around to it.” He doesn’t sound as nervous now. Yongguk likes that. He likes sex like this – a little slow and full of unsexy details – the crinkly condom wrapper, the glossy smear of lube on Himchan’s thighs, his own bony ankles. It’s not what he thought it would be like, but it’s good and maybe better. 

“Okay,” he says again, and he lowers himself down onto Himchan. For a long moment, he just settles. It’s nice, the full feeling of Himchan inside him. He likes the strain in his thighs, too, and the way he can feel his weight pressing Himchan down into the bed. “Is this okay?” 

Himchan nods, fast. “Good,” he says. “It’s really fucking good, Bbang.” 

“Good,” Yongguk says. He fucks down harder onto Himchan’s cock.

Himchan laughs. His toothy smile is huge. His hips push up, seeking. Yongguk squeezes his thighs. He’s in charge here. He’ll set the pace. 

He leans forward, hands on Himchan’s shoulders. He goes slowly, pressing down onto Himchan, pulling off, grinding down, steady and smooth and in control. Himchan’s cheeks are red. He grins when he meets Yongguk’s eye. Yongguk grins too. 

“Next time,” he says, “I want to fuck you.” 

“Yeah?” Himchan asks. A dark spot of sweat sticks his tee shirt to his chest, even though Yongguk’s doing most of the work. 

Yongguk nods. “Wanna fuck you,” he says. “Want my cock up your ass. Would you like that?” 

Himchan gasps. “Not sure,” he says. “But I’m willing to give it a try.” 

“You’d like it,” Yongguk says. “I bet you would.” His hair is damp with sweat too, and falling in his eyes. His thighs are starting to hurt. He lets all his weight bear down on Himchan. 

“You’ve been pretty spot on so far,” Himchan says, through grit teeth. “I say we give it a try.” 

“Good,” Yongguk says. He wants to reach down and touch himself, press the palm of his hand down hard on his aching cunt, but he also wants to keep pushing Himchan down, down, down into the bed, holding him in place while Yongguk uses his cock to get off. He rocks up and back. Himchan makes a twisted noise. Yongguk pulls all the way off. He reaches down to rub his clit between two fingers. He pinches and rolls it and shivers because it feels so good. He could get off just like this, with Himchan between his legs, wriggling and suffering and waiting. 

But he doesn’t. 

“Come on, Bbang,” Himchan says. “Don’t leave me hanging.” 

And Yongguk laughs because Himchan is so dumb. “Okay, okay.” And he drops himself back down onto Himchan’s dick, tight and tense and so ready. Himchan’s hands come up to his thighs. They never quite find a perfect rhythm, but this is good enough. He fucks himself down again, and Himchan makes a ridiculous twisted face and starts to come. Yongguk bears down on him as his body goes tense and his hips jerk up, and he stays like that, every muscle clenched, until Himchan’s chest hitches a final time and he lies back, limp. 

“That was pretty fucking awesome,” Himchan says. 

Yongguk nods, and swallows. He hasn’t come yet. He slides off Himchan. His cunt is throbbing, and he doesn’t care any more that Himchan’s watching or that they’re doing this together or anything. He jerks himself off the way he has since he was a kid, fingers rubbing fast circles over his clit. He knows exactly how to make himself feel good, and it does feel good, but he doesn’t start to come until he thinks about what he promised Himchan: his cock buried in Himchan’s ass. He presses two fingers just into his slit and thrusts against them until the senseless burn of his orgasm has spent itself. 

“Ohhhh,” Himchan says. “Uh. I should have helped … sorry. That was probably bad manners.” 

Yongguk breathes out, long and easy. He lies down beside Himchan. He feels good and warm. He feels like he could go to sleep. They need to shower, but that can wait a moment or two. “It’s okay,” he says. “I’ll forgive you this time.” 

“Thanks,” Himchan says. “I mean. For forgiving me and also for being a totally hot sex guru, too. That was pretty awesome too.” 

Yongguk grins. “You’re welcome. That was just lesson one.” He swallows. “We can… I mean, it’s not quite the same thing, but …” He presses his mouth to the back of Himchan’s neck. “I want to fuck you.” 

“Good,” Himchan says. “I want you to fuck me. We’re all in agreement then.” He pushes his ass back into Yongguk’s crotch and Yongguk grinds forward and for a minute he thinks they might go again … 

But then Himchan’s stomach growls, loud and unhappy. He freezes.

Yongguk laughs. 

“Whoops. I didn’t eat dinner,” Himchan says. 

Yongguk didn’t either, come to think of it. “Ramen?” he asks. 

Himchan rolls his eyes. “Of course you’d want ramen.” 

Yongguk shrugs. It's true. He’s a man of simple tastes


End file.
